I have an open apology to husbands that I want to give as we lead up to Father’s Day. As we approach the day we celebrate the men in our lives, there are a number of short comings I want to own up to and apologize for on behalf of women. We aren’t always or even often ill-willed, but we do get things wrong. 
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An Open Apology to Husbands
Dear Husbands,
We are so sorry you have not received the respect that you need. As women, we need and expect unconditional love. It’s something our soul craves. In the same way, we know you crave unconditional respect. I have read that “men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected” (For Women Only
), and yet we too often disrespect you to your face and sometimes even in front of others. I am so sorry for the way we don’t build you up and show respect.
We must also apologize that we don’t thank you for all that you do for us. You work hard at your job. Then, the transition home can be tough.
We don’t know the stresses you face from bosses or employees unless we have walked in your shoes. I know we have pressures too at home or at our jobs outside of the home, but sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own circumstances that we don’t take time to consider all that you do. You go to work, help with the household responsibilities, love our kids well and take care of us.
No, you are not perfect, but neither are we. We don’t stop and appreciate you enough. Thank you. Thank you for coming home to us each day. Thank you for helping to take care of us financially. Thank you for the work you do around the house.
You get accolades from your peers, but we should be your biggest fans. We will try and be better at that.
Sometimes we treat you like one of the kids. We are sorry. We understand we are your wife and not your mom. It’s hard for us because we are often the CEO of the kids and sometimes our own companies. We have a lot of balls in the air, and there are many moving pieces.
We feel like we can dictate how you fit into all that, but you are our partner not our subordinate.
It’s wrong to boss you around, and we need to bring you alongside the rhythm of the house in a different way. We value you as a husband and leader in our home. We need to stop nagging, and we need to stop dictating.
Thank you for accommodating us and working with us, and we will try and be better at being your lover instead of your mother.
Men, we are sorry that you are often painted as the fool in sitcoms and greeting cards. You are anything but that. Too often we buy into the lie that we need to be the ones to hold it all together, when really you are perfectly capable of being the leader in our home.
We don’t want you to buy into the lies either. We know that you are more than the goofy, beer-drinking, car-loving, farting fools that the Father’s Day cards make you out to be.
You are strong, hardworking and really do care about our family. We no longer want to believe what the media tells us because we know you will reach your fullest potential as you have a woman behind you that believes in you. We believe in you.
Another thing we apologize for is that we have ripped the reigns from your hands. We often didn’t let you help. If the child needed soothing, we would take them from your arms. If the baby needed anything we wanted to be the ones to handle it. We wouldn’t let you help parent or discipline.
We shot down your opinions and made our own decisions in parenting. Suddenly we became bitter that we had to do it all, but really we brought this on ourselves. We want you involved. Sorry we have made the process so clunky as we are learning to navigate what parenting looks like too. Our children need your guidance, and you have so much to offer.
We know that sex is important, but what we often don’t understand is that it is more important for you to feel wanted. The bedroom is the most vulnerable and intimate place that can really build into your emotional needs. We know that you gain confidence as you feel desired. Rejection is hurtful. Yet, we get this wrong too.
As moms, we have often spent all day pouring out and being touched. You haven’t been touched at all. We are tired, but it’s not an excuse for neglecting you when really we should be making you and our sex life a priority. This is such a sticky area to navigate, but we love you and want to do a better job of coming together with you in this arena.
Husbands, we are sorry. So sorry.
You are not our enemy, but sometimes we treat you like you are. We want to stop the habits of disrespect, thanklessness, degradation, and not being your biggest cheerleader – both in what you do at work and home.
We love you, and we want to figure out how to do well by you, but we sometimes get it wrong. Just as you need grace, we need grace as we work to navigate through the different ways we were wired.
Please stick with us and lovingly communicate ways we can support you better. We not only see all of your amazing traits and accomplishments, but we see so much potential. It’s why we married you. We love and respect you. Thank you for all you do.
Love,
Your Wives
Want to learn more about how to support your husband? Here are some great resources:
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Looking for Marriage Help?
This One Tip Will Transform Your Marriage
This is a bullshit letter from some small woman that’s never had a job.
That’s an interesting response since I reference that we often have our own jobs and are often the CEOs of our own companies. I don’t see the issue in promoting showing our husbands more thankfulness, respect and trying to be less controlling with them. It’s fine that you disagree with these thoughts. Hoping you the best.
I was going to say I wish I would have found this ‘letter to husbands” 25 years ago when my little ones were home. I was shocked when I read that first comment. So many women are so angry they are blind to the needs of others. So indignant even, that you should suggest that we should think about our husbands in this way. And many men have taken advantage of and exploited this as an excuse to be jerks as well. Sad state of affairs.
I really could have used your insight into what husbands need back then. I shortchanged my husband often while we raised 5 daughters. We made it through it all, however with God’s help and a lot of eating humble pie. Life could be so much more pleasant through these challenging life stages using even just a few of your tips and insights. I appreciate all your efforts to share your journey so honestly with your readers.
Now I am a grandmother of 7 and your blog has so many fun, useful ideas, crafts and insightful information that I can share with my daughters as they navigate their parenting, family and marriage journey.
What a sweet and encouraging message to read today. Thank you for sharing such a humble experience of walking through marriage. I appreciate your words and experiences. Enjoy those grandkids!
Also, I thought it might be super helpful to understand a blogger’s life. We do have a job. Further, I am a teacher by trade, so I have worked outside of the home also. Right now, I have started my own business from scratch. Just this morning, I worked answering emails for three hours, and they are constantly coming in. I was also on the phone today for a bit with an potential affiliate partner for me. I was also busy re-structuring some of my advertising. On top that, I need to find time today to write posts and work on my social media strategy, which takes a lot of time. As bloggers, we also need to take and edit pictures and be on top of our own continued education as blogging is a constantly evolving beast. We need to become skilled in photography & editing, working on all of our social media avenues (growing a FB page from 0-65,000 for me, which is a lot of work, and that’s just FB), admin, IT work, networking, creating products, graphic work and beyond. We write newsletters and have to allocate funds for a variety of services that keep our blogs running. The hours bloggers pour into their businesses creates a full time job and income. Starting and continuing this business is no small feat. Yes, I am a stay at home mom, but I absolutely consider myself a business professional. I’m caring for my kids and having success at my job, which I love. I even have two people working for me. I thought if you got a small peak into the work it actually takes to run a blog, you might be able to have more information before making comments that really don’t speak truth.
I absolutely love this! So often I see men disrespected by women and it frustrates me! I am a newlywed and plan for respect in my marriage! Thank you for your writing! Also, you do not need to justify yourself when others are ignorant or do not understand your writing! Just keep writing and the right people who relate to what you are saying will find it!
Thanks so much. It’s great to find a like-minded friend. Respecting your husband makes such a positive difference in marriage. I’m so glad you know this early on. Building on that foundation is so important and will make a big difference. Thanks for your encouragement.