I have an open apology to husbands that I want to give as we lead up to Father’s Day. As we approach the day we celebrate the men in our lives, there are a number of short comings I want to own up to and apologize for on behalf of women. We aren’t always or even often ill-willed, but we do get things wrong.
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An Open Apology to Husbands
We are so sorry you have not received the respect that you need. As women, we need and expect unconditional love. It’s something our soul craves. In the same way, we know you crave unconditional respect. I have read that “men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected” (For Women Only), and yet we too often disrespect you to your face and sometimes even in front of others. I am so sorry for the way we don’t build you up and show respect.
We must also apologize that we don’t thank you for all that you do for us. You work hard at your job. Then, the transition home can be tough. We don’t know the stresses you face from bosses or employees unless we have walked in your shoes. I know we have pressures too at home or at our jobs outside of the home, but sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own circumstances that we don’t take time to consider all that you do. You go to work, help with the household responsibilities, love our kids well and take care of us. No, you are not perfect, but neither are we. We don’t stop and appreciate you enough. Thank you. Thank you for coming home to us each day. Thank you for helping to take care of us financially. Thank you for the work you do around the house. You get accolades from your peers, but we should be your biggest fans. We will try and be better at that.
Sometimes we treat you like one of the kids. We are sorry. We understand we are your wife and not your mom. It’s hard for us because we are often the CEO of the kids and sometimes our own companies. We have a lot of balls in the air, and there are many moving pieces. We feel like we can dictate how you fit into all that, but you are our partner not our subordinate. It’s wrong to boss you around, and we need to bring you alongside the rhythm of the house in a different way. We value you as a husband and leader in our home. We need to stop nagging, and we need to stop dictating. Thank you for accommodating us and working with us, and we will try and be better at being your lover instead of your mother.
Men, we are sorry that you are often painted as the fool in sitcoms and greeting cards. You are anything but that. Too often we buy into the lie that we need to be the ones to hold it all together, when really you are perfectly capable of being the leader in our home. We don’t want you to buy into the lies either. We know that you are more than the goofy, beer-drinking, car-loving, farting fools that the Father’s Day cards make you out to be. You are strong, hardworking and really do care about our family. We no longer want to believe what the media tells us because we know you will reach your fullest potential as you have a woman behind you that believes in you. We believe in you.
Another thing we apologize for is that we have ripped the reigns from your hands. We often didn’t let you help. If the child needed soothing, we would take them from your arms. If the baby needed anything we wanted to be the ones to handle it. We wouldn’t let you help parent or discipline. We shot down your opinions and made our own decisions in parenting. Suddenly we became bitter that we had to do it all, but really we brought this on ourselves. We want you involved. Sorry we have made the process so clunky as we are learning to navigate what parenting looks like too. Our children need your guidance, and you have so much to offer.
We know that sex is important, but what we often don’t understand is that it is more important for you to feel wanted. The bedroom is the most vulnerable and intimate place that can really build into your emotional needs. We know that you gain confidence as you feel desired. Rejection is hurtful. Yet, we get this wrong too. As moms, we have often spent all day pouring out and being touched. You haven’t been touched at all. We are tired, but it’s not an excuse for neglecting you when really we should be making you and our sex life a priority. This is such a sticky area to navigate, but we love you and want to do a better job of coming together with you in this arena.
Husbands, we are sorry. So sorry. You are not our enemy, but sometimes we treat you like you are. We want to stop the habits of disrespect, thanklessness, degradation, and not being your biggest cheerleader – both in what you do at work and home. We love you, and we want to figure out how to do well by you, but we sometimes get it wrong. Just as you need grace, we need grace as we work to navigate through the different ways we were wired. Please stick with us and lovingly communicate ways we can support you better. We not only see all of your amazing traits and accomplishments, but we see so much potential. It’s why we married you. We love and respect you. Thank you for all you do.
Want to learn more about how to support your husband? Here are some great resources: