A cell phone can be a great tool or a dangerous weapon. When entering the world of cell phone usage for kids, we want to teach them to make wise choices.
This cell phone contract for kids or teens can be used to usher you and your kids into this next phase of their growing up experience. This can be a scary time, but I want to help you move forward with confidence so that you feel like you are equipped to be proactive on your journey.
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Some of you may be asking the question, “What is the right age to hand a child a cell phone?” I would challenge you to think about it a tad differently. I believe a good question to ask is, “Is my child responsible enough to have use of a cell phone? Have they established trust?” The answer to these questions will vary by child. We want to help avoid an entitled attitude. If you set an age limit, the child will simply wait until that birthday and then believe a phone is something they deserve. When your children starts asking for a cell phone (my 8 year old already has, and I assure you we aren’t even close to a yes there), you can respond with a comment like, “When we feel like you are old enough AND have demonstrated responsibility and maturity, we will move forward with that decision.” If you cannot trust your child, it is not the time to give them the privilege of having the use of their own phone.
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That said, children are going to make mistakes as they are given more freedom. They are testing the waters and often need to learn from their own choices. Therefore, we can’t say, “I trust my child” and step away from teaching discipline and self-control. We must keep parental boundaries. We should move forward in faith when they have established responsibility and yet monitor things close enough to keep them in a healthy and safe spot.
If you have determined that it is time for your child to have their own cell phone or the use of one that you provide, it will be time to make some important decisions. I would encourage you to sit down with your spouse and make choices together about what this phone usage will look like in your home. Here are some important questions to ask:
- Will our child use a smart phone or a simple flip phone that has call-only capabilities?
- What kind of usage plan will we have for our growing cellular needs? How will minutes and data usage be impacted by another person being added?
- Will we pay for our child’s phone and cellular plan or will they need to contribute to the financial responsibilities?
- Will there be a usage time limit we enforce? Will there be hours of use established?
- Will we use a program that allows us to monitor all activity on the phone (location of phone, texts, Instagram, call log, etc.) or will we operate on trust?
Beyond those questions, you will want to create a list of guidelines that work for your family. I am proposing you draw up a contract for you kids to sign. Breaking the contract will lead to immediate removal of the cell phone for an amount of time determined by you, the parents. I would base the amount of time on the severity of the misuse.
For your convince I have provide a free printable with a proposed cellular phone contract. The first page is a letter to your child setting in place the reasons for the contract and some encouragement about their character. The second page provides healthy guidelines that become part of the contract. This page is the part of the contract the kids initial to establish their agreement to the principles set forth. I wrote this portion of the contract with “I will…” type of statements rather than “I won’t…” I like equipping kids with the kind of behaviors we want to see. The final page is a blank contract in case you want to add to what I have put together or write your own.
Parenting is no easy task. In creating a cellular phone contract for you kids, you are doing two things. You are establishing that you are still the parents and there will be limits and guidelines in your home. The other thing you are teaching them is that they are growing up and are earning more freedom as they make wise choices. We pray that they continue in good character choices so that we can continue to give them increased independence that builds their confidence (and ours) as we release them out into this world.
Wonderful! I’m in the midst of agreeing to a cell phone for my 11 yr old. I have pondered the questions above, and maybe it’ll be OK. I’m definitely using this contract idea along the way! Thanks!
I’m so glad I could help. It’s a big step and to be intentional about expectations is super important. What a fun new phase for your family. Hoping for a great experience!
This was wonderfully helpful! Thanks for sharing such an amazing idea!!
So glad it helped! All the best for this next phase for you and your family.
My 11 is begging for a phone of her own…love this idea as a visual reminder of the kids responsibility. Thank you.
You are so welcome. I’m reading the book “The Power of Off,” which has given me a lot of insight into some of the concerns associated with cell phone usage. I’d suggest reading this book with her too, so you can enter into the decision with your daughter with a lot of open conversation about the importance of guidelines and self control when it comes to a phone. It’s definitely a new journey to navigate as a parent. Glad I could help.
The intro so beautifully communicates both the sentiments behind and reasoning for the contract. We’ll be using this with our soon-to-be 11yr old daughter. Thank you!
I love that this was helpful to you. Thank you so much for your kind words. All the best as you move forward into this new territory with your 11 year old. My oldest is eleven too. 🙂
i got a phone at 9 (it was my dads old one – i couldnt text on it though), i am 13 now and them checking it has only made me better at lying and hiding things (vapes, alcochol etc.) . i wouldnt recommend this.
Thank you so much for talking about this. What would you do?
Besides being very invasive the contract passes the idea of manipulation and lack of security a simple conversation could help in the awareness of the adolescent; “This is for your safety.” The young man needs to make his choices so we should not raise children for ourselves, we must educate them and the rest will come. sincerely think that the contract does not aspire any kind of trust, just manipulation
Interesting viewpoint. While I see it differently, I really appreciate your feedback. I definitely agree that really good communication about the reasons why and educating them and reaching their hearts on the topic are the most important. The contract, in my opinion, gives some really good talking points and guidelines. It might not work for every family as this is a personal choice, but I love your emphasis on building trust with your children. Absolutely agree with that.
I’m a mother of 4 with with a degree in psychology and personality I think this is highly irresponsible for a parent to do as it results in a lack of trust in the child from the parents. It is a manipulation of the child and a massive violation of privacy.
A simple heart to heart talk would be enough.
Thanks for your feedback. I enjoy hearing different perspectives. I personally see different options for different families and different kids. Everyone is so unique and some might respond better to the black and white presentation here and others respond to a simple heart to heart conversation. Totally agree that getting to the heart of the kid in this matter is the most important. I think it boils down to the relationship you have with your kids in general, how the talk goes (authoritative vs. authoritarian) and the unique make-up of the child. Again, thanks for commenting.
I am also a psychologist and work only with kids and teenagers. I dont call it a contract but conditions of usage for the phone. Contract is more or a negotiation of both parts. Which is def not the case for first time cellphone users.
I explain to the parents that come in that anywhere their child goes there are set rules they need to abide by. Before getting a car they first need a license. This means they need to learn and study all the rules and regulations before they are on the road. This is the same concept. I also explain that when their kids want to download an app or log in to any kind of social media they will need to agree with the terms and conditions. Again, same concept.
Before using the cellphone its important to understand what it is for and what is the correct way of using it. If they want to use it, they will behave according to the standards set for them. Having it on paper reduces the chance of conflict or misinterpretation and also serves as a reminder of what those terms and conditions are when time passes.
This also comes with a heart to heart conversation about trust, independence, responsability and choices.
I really like that point of view and a usage of different terms. It makes a lot of sense with the examples you gave too. Thanks so much for giving your thoughts. What a great contribution to the conversation.