An Open Letter to My Non-Christian Friends
Dear Friends,
It is advised to not speak with friends about politics or religion. I want to break that rule, and I ask for your grace as I do it. It’s hard and not right for me to stay silent about the most important thing in my life. If I saw a fabulous movie, I would recommend it to you in a heart beat. I would hate that it is easier for me share a movie but not talk about the one thing that has transformed my life.
I know why we are told to avoid talking about religion. Religious conversations can be divisive. We have seen people, families and countries torn apart by religion. That saddens me. It doesn’t need to be that way.
Conversations about religion often end poorly, and I understand you may have been burned by people of faith in the past. I am so sorry for your experience. I hope it wouldn’t be that way if we sat down to chat.
Christianity is a faith for the sinful and broken. We Christians are going to mess up and make mistakes. Sometimes, Christians can come across as prideful and holier than thou.
In reality, a Christian should be the most humble individual you interact with. Our faith is based on the fact that we recognize that we are full of sin, we need a Savior, and we don’t have all the answers. That’s it.
I have had more than one friend say, “I couldn’t possibly step into church with you. The place would probably catch on fire.” Oh, friend, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. There are so many stories of Jesus loving and showing grace to those who felt they had not place with Him.
I want you to hear the stories about Jesus and his relationship with the corrupted tax collectors and prostitute. There was the woman at the well who had many husbands and was living with a man that wasn’t her husband. You will love the story about the woman that was going to be stoned for adultery and Jesus said, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” – John 8:7 The Bible doesn’t teach that you have to be perfect to walk through the doors of a church. In fact, Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Did you know that Jesus often took on the “religious” and “holier than thou?” That means there should be no emphasis on being “good enough” before one enters the church. Christianity is actually the only religion that teaches that we don’t get to God by being good?
So, why does it feel like there is an emphasis on being good when it comes to Christians? We get in the way of ourselves. We like things that are measurable. Also, we want to follow Jesus who was all good. We are supposed to let His grace, forgiveness and love for us spill over into our lives so that we can be representatives of a good God. I am so sorry that we trip over our own feet while doing it and don’t get the right message across.
I want to be a friend and a Christian that you can come and be real with, no matter what you have to share. We may walk away with very little changed in our own minds about our beliefs, but hopefully we can walk away with a greater understanding about each other. How beautiful. I chose you as a friend because I know we are both mature adults who can have deeper conversations about life.
Sitting down with you wouldn’t be like a sermon. I want to hear what you believe. Understanding where you are coming from and your thoughts on religion would be life giving to me. I would love to hear about your journey as you think about faith, whether or not I say a word about my own story. It’s such a huge topic and it seems silly to avoid it with you. I don’t believe it will divide us. Bringing us closer together is the goal.
If this is so important to me, why has it been so hard to talk to you about this? I think many Christians (including me) are acutely aware of how people of faith can come across. It is hard to step out because we know that some people have a visceral reaction based on either previous experiences or how Christians may be displayed in the media. Admittedly, I also care too much about what others think of me. We cherish you as friends and fear that we may lose you by bringing up the topic of faith or inviting you to church, even if we do so in a respectful way.
The media doesn’t cover all of the work going on in the name of Christ – the people fed, the homes built, the children adopted or the lives changed. Unfortunately, Christians are more known for what we are against than what we are for. Both the media and ourselves are at fault for this.
I want you to know something about me. Faith doesn’t come easy for me. My faith in God has been a big journey with its own ups and downs. The questions you have are probably the same ones I have. The struggles you have with Christianity are probably the exact same ones that made me dismiss my childhood faith for a time. You would never come across stupid for asking a question or giving an opinion. I am interested in what you have to say on the topic of religion, even when we think differently. I don’t want to debate you; I want to know you more fully and want to be more fully known.
Friend, I am here for you. This is my open invitation to talk with me about faith. Whether we ever do discuss religion, I want to be Jesus to you. I’d love to be able to bring you a meal while you are sick, pray for you, take care of your kids or listen. Please let me know how I can best serve you.
Know that when I invite you to church or speak to you about faith it is out of love and care. I’m not judging you or think I’m better than you. I just want to be me with you, and I simply can’t separate my faith from who I am.
I love you, Friend.
Love,
Jodi
Jodi,
This is so perfectly put! I am a Christian and I struggle with talking to my non-Christian friends about my faith, I usually avoid the subject in order not to cause strife. But your last sentence put it into an eye opening perspective for me..I simply cannot separate my faith from who I am, either. Thank you for the encouragement! God bless!
Thank you so much. It’s hard. We don’t want to hurt the relationship at all. I think it’s all in the approach, but I also know that some people have just had such a bad experience with the topic that they want to avoid it all together. I’m so glad this was helpful and might encourage you to be bolder in the willingness to start conversation. I really appreciate you commenting.
Let’s just start with- I’m not Christian. I am married to a Christian and crazy in love with him. Yet, with others (especially my Christian mother) when I share my beliefs they look sad. They admit they are hurt by my beliefs. I don’t want to hurt anyone but I will be myself. Ive also had the “well I’m just going to ignore you now” look and despite an open apology hoping I didn’t say anything to offend, the friendship dwindles away. I’ve only met two others with your mentality Jodi. It is a relief, and it warms my heart that there are people who can genuinely be themselves while allowing others to be themselves as well. I’m sure others around you appreciate this attribute. This open letter gives me hope for those that have drifted away because of our different views. Thank you. Please always keep this respect for everyone.
Thank you so much for your response. I am sorry this conversation has led to division in your own life. 🙁 That’s never fun. I really hope there can be some reconciliation and better understanding between you and the ones you love. Just know that the people in your life most likely love you, want the best for you and really think they have those answers. They need understanding of your perspective too. Hoping you all can find a respectful way of listening to others. I love your humility in admitting and apologizing for your contribution. Thank you for that. Thanks for taking the time to write and share your story.
Lovelly words, Jodie.
It’s a shame to avoid a sharing discussion only because afraid it may be cause of quarrels.
These show up our unability to listen and debate constructively.
I have been taught to talk and say about everything taking care, by the way, about timing and manners. Not always easy and possible but I try to o my best always and I learned so much. Too often we get mad and talk aggressivly about things we don’t know. Too often they has been referred from somebody who ignore reality of things him/herself.
We should develope the listening capacity and learn that our “true” is only a reflection; a point of view based on our experience that could be completely different from somebody else experience and “point of view”.
We need to learn how to share, talk and compare to grow our belief otherwise we risk to be a parrot that open its mouth without knowing the meaning of words and sentences used.
Btw, there is only one thing I would change in your letter: the title.
I personally would change in: an open letter to the human being or friends because also christians, as you said, need to read and think about it.
With love and respect, Ivano aka Eylife
I’m so sorry it has taken so long to respond. The summer got away from me with a busy schedule and with kids at home. I’m definitely trying to catch up on things now that school is back in session. It’s interesting. Tolerance used to mean that we listen thoughtfully to one another. Now it means we have to agree with everyone, which is pretty impossible. I totally agree about learning to listen and and try and understand another human’s experience and point of view. People are passionate about their beliefs and experiences, and it is only through understanding that we can truly love well. I appreciate your thoughts about the title, but I think I will keep what I have – although you are right that this is a message for all human beings about a variety of topics. Politics come immediately to mind as well. Thanks for writing.
Dearest Jodi.
Got your letter… still made me cringe. Sure if you see a good movie please share but honestly I could care less about your god, your religion, your bible, your christ. I don’t even like the word Atheist because it implies that I even acknowledge theism or belief in the supernatural. Going thru life assuming everything you do is a “sin” is sad… I am no sinner. You believe what you believe and life goes on. Force your beliefs on society to put faith in something not part of reality is in my opinion a wasted life.
Please believe what you will. Embrace it. Cherish it but sharing it is in the past. We Nones want to be left alone. It’s your guilt in life not ours. And sadly the more conservatives tighten their grip the less Christianity will be tolerated. Something outspoken preachers and churches have done to themselves. Trump and his conservative lot have pretty much destroyed any goodness left therein, in the public eye.
Be Best.
Hi Marc, Thanks so much for replying to this. I really appreciate you taking the time to get your thoughts out. Although there are things we disagree on, there are things we can agree on as well. I agree that we shouldn’t force our beliefs on people. Be willing to discuss, share or put it out there, sure. Force – not so much. However, I think that real depth in relationship is being able to share who we are and what we think, so I don’t think it faith needs to be tucked away and kept hidden. I do hope that my deeds and treatment to others outweighs the words shared. I also agree with you that there has been ugly done by people who claim Christ – throughout history and in these days. I’ve been really sad to see it during this time where some people claiming Christianity appear more like a political party than a faith centered around the heart of Jesus’ ministry – to serve and love others. I get why you have been turned off. I’m also glad that you agree that we can all believe, embrace and cherish what we choose. We obviously land in different places in faith, but I’m really happy to be able to have a convo. Thanks again.