After years of observation and trial and error, I have finally found the secret to a clean house. The secret to a clean house is simple: Spend more time cleaning than you do using stuff. Make sure the stuff you buy trumps the rest of life.
The Secret to a Clean House
If you want to keep a clean house, the first step is to not have kids. They will destroy your entire pursuit of cleanliness. If you accidentally do end up with children or you had them before reading this post, make sure to spend more time cleaning than you do teaching them, playing with them or feeding them. Actually, feeding them is definitely out. Every meal creates more of a mess. Perhaps you should stop eating all together.
If you do choose to continue eating, here are a couple solutions. Eat out. All…the…time. Eat out. Forget that old fashioned image of a family eating around the table together. Can you imagine the kind of dishes that would be generated by having just one meal together? Ridiculous. If you can’t afford to eat out for every meal, 2 words – paper plates.
Another secret to a clean house is this: Don’t invite people over. Ever. Don’t open your doors to your neighbors and friends. People are messy, and they usually want food. We’ve already discussed that. I know the Bible teaches to welcome people and honor them above yourself, but I’m pretty sure God was wrong about that one. Doesn’t He also say, “Cleanliness is next to godliness,” or was that not Him?
Don’t have pets. Pets are stinky. They poop. They shed. Their tongues seem to visit every surface. Pets are a disaster.
It’s so easy, really. Don’t live. Don’t enjoy the things you have. Limit relationships. That sounds healthy, right?